{"id":319,"date":"2009-03-27T09:47:40","date_gmt":"2009-03-27T13:47:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/000af36.netsolhost.com\/wordpress1\/2009\/03\/27\/a-numberless-agenda\/"},"modified":"2009-03-27T09:47:40","modified_gmt":"2009-03-27T13:47:40","slug":"a-numberless-agenda","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/2009\/03\/27\/a-numberless-agenda\/","title":{"rendered":"A Numberless Agenda"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>With <a href=\"http:\/\/www.washingtonpost.com\/wp-dyn\/content\/article\/2009\/03\/26\/AR2009032603694.html\">yesterday\u2019s announcement by Regug congressman that they have a \u201cbudget blueprint\u201d with no numbers<\/a>, a larger story went unreported.&#160; According to my sources, the numberless budget is part of a greater legislative agenda the GOPers are preparing:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>All baseball, football and basketball games will no longer be allowed to keep score.&#160; Instead, umpires will decide baseball games based on the most beautiful swing, most graceful dive for a ball and most intense crotch scratch.&#160; Football referees will decide fiercest tackle, best QB scramble and most creative touchdown dance.&#160; Basketball refs will rely solely on best chest thumpings.<\/li>\n<li>Top 25 basketball rankings will be determined by \u201cbest dressed\u201d team.<\/li>\n<li>Swimming competition will be judge differently for men and women. Men will be judged on best abs and women on best nipple reveal.<\/li>\n<li>Weather forecasters will no longer be allowed to predict temperatures.&#160; Instead, they will rely on the Homeland Security Advisory system of colors \u2013 red, orange, yellow, blue and green &#8212; as they already are in place and the GOPers estimate they can save billions of dollars in temperature tracking.<\/li>\n<li>Home mortgages will no longer be offered with a specific interest.&#160; Instead, the new system will simply be:&#160; If your house has a swimming pool, pay what you want; If it is needs painting, pay whatever the banks want for two years and then allow them to foreclose.<\/li>\n<li>Traffic tickets will no longer come with specific fines.&#160; If you drive a luxury car, you will receive a warning and an invitation to a GOP fundraiser.&#160; If you drive an American car, you will be asked to donate to the Autoworkers union.&#160; If your surname is Spanish or Arabic, you will deported to Sudan.<\/li>\n<li>Finally, no election will be determined by counting votes.&#160; Instead, given its proven track record, the Supreme Court will decide all elections, but with a changes from the 2000 election process.&#160; After deliberations and a canvass of all the judges, Antonin Scalia will decide what\u2019s best for the country.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>With yesterday\u2019s announcement by Regug congressman that they have a \u201cbudget blueprint\u201d with no numbers, a larger story went unreported.&#160; According to my sources, the numberless budget is part of a greater legislative agenda the GOPers are preparing: All baseball, football and basketball games will no longer be allowed to keep score.&#160; Instead, umpires will&hellip; <a href=\"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/2009\/03\/27\/a-numberless-agenda\/\">Read More<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=319"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/319\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=319"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=319"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/griendling.com\/wordpress1\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=319"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}